Are You Too Nice?

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Many of us (especially women) are taught to value “being nice” above everything, including ourselves. 

I have had many women share with me how difficult and painful it is to set boundaries, say no, and truly choose what feels best for them. 

We can look at nature as such an accessible example of this.

Every other creature takes care of itself first, yet somehow many women have been conditioned to believe this isn’t right and as a result have gotten lost in the needs of others over their own needs. 

This of course leads to a deep disconnection from the authentic self.

It leads to anger and resentment as well as feeling numb or emotionally all over the place. 

When we let go of the need to be “nice” and “good” for others and choose to honor ourselves, a new steadiness from within begins to emerge that aligns with our authentic self. 

We go from not knowing ourselves to fully choosing ourselves, knowing that this is the connection that leads to the love, abundance, and life we desire. 

Below I will share three tendencies we fall into being “too nice” and ways to support you being true to yourself. 

 

  1. You Worry About Being Liked

This can stem from the limiting belief many women I’ve coached hold: I’m only likable if I’m useful or helpful. 

Check in with yourself to make sure this belief or something similar isn’t taking the lead. 

I invite you to slow down and check in with yourself and practice connecting to what feels right for you versus trying to satisfy or please others. 

In this practice I also invite you to let go of the need to over-explain yourself in any way. 

Underneath this is a need to be liked and make sure the other approves of the way we feel or the way we’re choosing to approach something. 

Of course we want to be respectful and kind, yet we don’t want to seek outside acceptance for why we feel the way we do. 

Sometimes people may disagree or misunderstand us, and that’s okay. Practice allowing this without feeling like you’ve got to fix it. 

2. You Belittle Yourself

When we’re “too nice” we may be subconsciously reacting to a sense of inadequacy within and therefore making the other person better. 

With men, this can look like putting him on a pedestal which of course means we’re then automatically lowering ourselves. 

Perhaps you also use some form of self-deprecation as a way to be liked or perceived as non-threatening. 

I invite you to bring some awareness to where you are taking action from inside of yourself. 

Stop yourself when you recognize that you are reacting to a negative bias you are holding within.

Awareness leads to awakening, so cultivating a practice to catch yourself reacting internally is incredible in facilitating real changes in your life. 

 

3. People Take Advantage Of You

When one is “too nice” they become a container for other people’s difficult emotions. You’ve essentially created a safe place for others to release their negative emotions. 

Boundaries are essential if you experience this. The reality is that we truly do have to teach people how to treat us. 

If you’re just beginning to recognize and learn this, understanding this truth will change your life. A man cannot value what we don’t value within ourselves.

Where are you playing small, asking for permission, or giving your power away?

Practice saying no to what doesn’t feel good to you and let go of the need to be considered “nice” or “good” which is always deeply subjective and biased based on the context. 

These terms often simply mean we didn’t make a fuss or that we went along to get along instead of courageously showing up for ourselves.

 Men will value a woman when she chooses herself. 

This is also what allows her to be of her highest QUALITY. Look at honoring yourself in the same way you would function after a night of poor sleep.

Everything is much more challenging! 

Show up for yourself and allow the magic of life to unfold. 

I truly hope this supports you in taking some baby steps closer to yourself so you create life from a space of deep self-love and trust.

Doors are now open for my latest offering of the Attract Him Forever small group program in 2022!

Join us in creating the life and love you want and learn how to truly Attract Him Forever!

 

Much Love, 

Jen

 

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