Unhealed trauma doesn’t always show up as sadness or silence.

Sometimes, it makes people cold, calculating, manipulative, even cruel.

Trauma can twist behavior in ways that aren’t always sympathetic or palatable.

It doesn’t always look like someone soft and broken. Sometimes, it looks like someone selfish, controlling, or untrustworthy because their wounds are festering in the shadows, driving actions from behind the scenes.

How Trauma Shapes Behavior

Of course, this isn’t always the case. But when trauma is left unprocessed, it distorts how a person sees the world and how they operate within it:

• They may become the very thing they were once hurt by.

• They may manipulate because they were once manipulated.

• They may deceive because they were once deceived.

Unhealed trauma fractures the sense of self.

Without a core identity rooted in truth and love, people become highly vulnerable to outside influence. They self-abandon, self-betray, and use others to meet unmet needs.

They might shape-shift to be seen as “good” rather than truly being good-because they don’t yet believe they are.

When Discernment Is Offline

In this state, discernment-the spiritual gift that protects us-is offline.

Without it:

• You can’t clearly see others or yourself.

• You fall for manipulation, or become manipulative.

• You crave validation and control in equal measure.

• You bend, perform, and contort to be liked or feared- but never truly loved.

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The Path to Healing

The only way out of this cycle is radical responsibility.

You must be willing to:

• Tell the truth, especially to yourself

• Examine where your actions and intentions are out of alignment

• Take accountability for ways you’ve hurt others unconsciously

• Clean up your side of the street, without justifying or blaming

This work isn’t glamorous-but it’s holy.

As you do it, something miraculous happens:

• Your conscience comes back online

• Discernment returns

• The heart begins to soften

• Slowly, the light begins to seep back in

This is how real healing happens-not through performance or perfection, but through honest, grounded work to return to who you were before the trauma: whole, rooted, and free.

Download my Surrendered Woman Bundle that includes a free PDF guide, meditation, and recorded teaching to support you softening your heart and open up to love. Download HERE.

 

With Love, 

Jen