The Illusion of Control and the Power of Surrender

Control has become so normalized in our culture that we often don’t recognize it for what it is.

We rationalize it quickly and thoroughly, allowing it to hide in plain sight—cutting us off from deeper guidance, expansive love, and divine support.

When I think back to the woman I was before doing this inner work, one quote always comes to mind:

“Every master was once a disaster.”

That was me.

And honestly, that was the gift-because now I can spot the grasping, micromanaging, mind games, and fear-driven strategies from a mile away, both in myself and in the women I support.

When Control Masquerades as Safety

In my own marriage, I was constantly looking outward for regulation.

My emotional state depended entirely on how he was behaving-what he was doing, saying, not doing, or not saying. I was endlessly analyzing, assigning meaning, and making his every move about me.

Energetically, he was being:

• watched

• micromanaged

• controlled

This wasn’t healthy for either of us.

Beneath it all were two core wounds-abandonment and belonging-driving my reactions. These parts of me weren’t bad; they were simply unhealed.

They didn’t need my husband’s performance to feel safe.
They needed my presence.

Choosing a Different Path

So I made a different choice.

With a sincere desire to become more embodied, more connected to myself and to God, I began the slow, sacred journey of surrender.

Instead of reaching outward for reassurance, I turned inward.

Whenever fear arose, I paused and asked:

• What am I truly needing right now?

• Can I stay present with this feeling instead of acting on it?

• Where am I being asked to trust and let go?

I rooted myself in a deeper why-a soul-led reason for choosing stillness over reaction.

Why not send the text just to feel temporarily soothed?

Because I knew no man could fill a void I hadn’t yet filled within myself.

Compromising my inner knowing to feel momentarily “safe” wasn’t safe at all.

I had to trust my own worth if I ever wanted it reflected back to me.

Wholeness Became My Compass

I began asking myself:

How would I move through this world if I truly believed I belonged?
If I knew I was already worthy of love, effort, and consideration?

I started showing up differently.

More courageously.
More honestly.

I became willing to bet on myself—to stop over-performing for scraps of connection.

I reconnected with the strength and beauty that lives beneath fear, chaos, and noise.

And from that place, I began to heal.

Love Built From the Inside Out

From this inner safety came real change, not just within me, but in my marriage.

The relationship wasn’t rebuilt through strategy or performance, but through devotion, truth, and trust beginning with the relationship I had with myself.

There is no checklist that leads to real love.
No formula to make someone do anything.

There is only one true compass:

Your willingness to be led by trust and faith.

That is what creates real safety in love.
That is what allows you to feel deeply seen, held, and met.

And it all begins with the courage to surrender.

Download my complementary Surrendered Woman bundle HERE to move deeper into embodying your feminine essence.

With love,

Jen