How To Create A Forever Bond With Him

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I’ve spoken with so many women about how the insecure attachments from childhood show up and demand our attention in our adult relationships.

Love and relationships expose the deepest parts of ourselves that we’ve perhaps buried or suppressed. Intimacy will trigger these dormant emotions to rise to the surface and can serve as a tremendous opportunity to heal.

Because insecure attachments are rooted so deeply in how we made sense of our world as children, when we become triggered or activated, the emotions we experience feel extremely desperate and visceral.

What we had to do to feel safe as a kid, doesn’t apply in the same way when we’re adults. Most of us logically get this, but how do we integrate and embody the secure attachment that is natural, yet often deeply buried inside of ourselves?

Three Ways To Create A Forever Bond

1. Notice your instincts in times of stress or conflict

In times of conflict or stress with a man do you have a tendency to want to cling? Pull at his pants leg? Cry, beg, plead, and find that dignity and self respect goes out the window?

Or do you want to run for the hills, needing space to regulate and keep him away until the intensity passes?

This will not only give you insight into your attachment style but will also give you insight into how to start healing it.

Because we strengthen what we practice, the next time you get activated, practice taking a baby step towards handling the situation in a different way.

Notice the urge or the instinct. Allow yourself to feel the intense emotions without reacting to them. Turn towards something that soothes you instead. This is by no means easy yet will give you a glimpse of your innate power and the secure attachment inside of you!

Our brain fires very quickly, literally in nanoseconds, so first catching yourself and pulling yourself out of the pattern by creating this pause is a massive shift that will become more and more buildable over time.

2. Grow Your Emotional Intelligence

Have you ever had those moments where you finally figured out what you wanted to say but it was two weeks after it happened?!

As we learn to connect to what’s happening inside of ourselves rather than fighting off our emotions by immediately reacting to them, we become more and more skilled at sharing our emotional experience with a man.

For many women, they don’t know what their emotional experience actually is because they’ve gotten into the habit of suppressing it, to find themselves later unleashing it on a man in a way he can’t hear or understand.

Tool:

The next time someone asks you to do something, practice being in your body and letting the sensations in your body answer. Does the head say yes but the body says no? Or the opposite?

Let the sensations you experience in your body guide you to be more in alignment with what the deeper part of you truly wants and desires!

You may find yourself saying no a lot more than you have in the past because you are learning to honor yourself versus doing things out of fear.

3. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable

How willing are you to be temporarily uncomfortable to get what you want?

All emotions are fluid and the healthier we are, the better we are at tolerating something that feels hard now, but will ultimately lead us to where we really want to be. We’ll be more willing to tolerate the temporary discomfort so that we can build confidence and self-love by being true to ourselves.

All emotions pass, both the good and the bad.

If you can allow yourself to ride the wave of discomfort to remain true to the high-value woman you are, you will start healing the inner little girl inside of you that’s longing to feel safe and loved.

We then start learning how to give ourselves what we’re desperate to receive from him! We stop silently, energetically crying out for him to give us the love and security we didn’t get from our parents or caregivers.

This is all within our willingness to tolerate the temporary difficult emotions and stay steady, learning to emotionally regulate a new way.

This will build your confidence, self-love, and reconnect you to the secure attachment that’s truly innate within you.

If you’d like to learn more about how to heal this deeper part of yourself and transform your love life, check out my new program here!

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