How To Navigate the Masculine and Feminine Energies


A question I often receive is “Can a woman take the lead in the relationship and in her feminine at the same time?”

The short answer is no, but I will take more time to explain why. Many of the women that I start coaching with have been in their masculine energy in their intimate relationship.

They have been the planner, initiator, leader, the one to problem solve and make things happen. They have an urge to control the outcome of things and want to have the final decision. These are all masculine energy traits!

Masculine energy has its benefits in that it helps us achieve goals, success in our careers, and helps us move towards what we want in life. A woman being in her masculine energy experiences distress when she also wants to be with a man in his masculine energy as well.

Women I work with will  often describe wanting to be  with a man who is driven, a man who is actively moving the relationship forward, who is decisive, thoughtful, plans things in advance and can take control of a situation with confidence.

The men that have these traits are masculine energy men, who are attracted to feminine energy women!

If both partners are in their masculine energy it turns into conflict and disconnection. Both partners cannot lead the relationship!

It often comes down to the question, would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?

The feminine energy looks like a woman who is soft, very much in the present moment, trusting, able to let go and surrender control, less inside of her head, but more in a place of her feelings and heart. Being able to let go and trust.

If a woman decides that she WANTS to be, and is most comfortable in her masculine energy, she can be with a feminine energy man who will then be able to complement her energy. This looks like a man who is more passive, supportive, and doing less of the household management and decision making.

If this is truly something a woman is comfortable with this can be a very successful balance.  It becomes a problem if the woman deep down is waiting for the man to step up or change, or if she is having resentment build from being the lead in the relationship. We cannot change our partner, and make a feminine energy man masculine or vice versa.


So the only way to inspire a masculine energy man to STEP UP, is by learning to transition out of our masculine energy after work or when we are not focused on more  concrete tasks or goals. This is then where we start to learn the awareness around how to balance these two energies with all of the different roles in our life.

This becomes our own inner work, learning to move away from action oriented energy, and feeling the need to “DO” something.

So often what is underneath the need to control and DO is fear. Fear or him not stepping up, FEAR of not being enough, fear of being abandoned or forgotten about, etc.

It is a new level of thought and awareness in regards to ourselves and what is motivating our need to plan, do, control, etc. By surrendering to this and moving into the feminine energy space, we can inspire a masculine energy man to step up and reclaim his role.

In this process, we are also healing ourselves and begin to let go of an old dialogue that is no longer serving us.

We are able to let go of the resentment around  “doing everything” and inspire a man to step up, lead the relationship, and cherish our feelings.


A personal example is with my own relationship.

I remember when my relationship was completely disconnected.

I was able to later see that I was completely over functioning and trying to manage everything.

As a result, I was filled with resentment because I wanted to feel loved, and supported vs. handling everything on my own.

He was also resentful because he felt controlled, and because he wasn’t trusted to take the lead in the relationship. We were both unhappy.


When I first learned how to LEAN BACK which is also to surrender to what IS, and without stepping in and trying to fix, I learned how to feel my emotions without taking impulsive action on them.

At first, it felt very unnatural as I was so used to doing everything.

It took all my strength to not step in and try to fix or solve.  He had become very used to this dynamic as well, so for a while the relationship was like a deflated ball on the ground.

I was so scared that he would never want to pick the ball up and lead things, yet I knew deep down this was what was needed in order for us both to be happy.


After a few weeks, things started to soften and shift some. I also felt happier, I was doing a lot of self-care, and noticed that I was feeling better about myself in general.

I was feeling my emotions and was able to be still with them. I remember feeling very proud of the small yet steady shifts I was making.

It has now been about 8 years since that time and the relationship has completely transformed.

For our relationship, he does a better job managing everything with my input. He appears energized by it, where I was depleted and filled with negativity when I felt like I had to do it all.

For me personally, I feel better and prefer to be in my feminine while my husband is in his masculine taking the leading role.

He has my trust and support, and that is something he feels as well, which makes him want to always work harder to make me happy! I know that so much of this can feel very counterintuitive!


If you could use some ideas on how to balance the energy in your relationship, get my free report and newsletter below:


You’ve got this.


Jen Michelle

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