How To Not Let Your Insecurities Take Over

​​Insecurities have a way of leaving us feeling paralyzed, stuck in our heads watching and judging our every move. 

Insecurities also prevent us from embracing where we are in our lives and from going after the things we truly want.

I hear from women all the time with questions around how they can stop caring so much and stop worrying about always saying or doing the wrong things when it comes to love and relationships. 

 I’ve had many conversations with women who will share they won’t start dating until they’ve fully healed from a breakup or enhanced whatever physical attribute they’ve been stressing over. 

No matter what your situation is, our mind can be very clever in finding reasons not to do something that scares us.

It can also lead to an endless cycle in which we’re never quite  “good enough” or “ready” to give ourselves permission to the life and love we want. 

If you’re in a situation where you’ve struggled to let a man truly see you, I want to share three ways you can start embodying more of your feminine energy and release trying to relate to men from your masculine energy or fears of not being “enough.” 

 

  1. Act As If

If you are the type of woman who uses the phrases “I’ll be ready when” or “I’ll be ready if,” then I invite you to recognize that it’s perfectly natural to feel hesitancy when having to face vulnerability around intimacy.

But as you practice exposing yourself to experiences where you don’t know how you’re going to be received, you’ll begin giving yourself the security and acceptance you’re so badly seeking externally.

It’s  in our ability to face and feel challenging emotions like rejection and vulnerability that opens up the space for us to access a deeper trust and faith in ourselves.

As a result of this willingness, we start to feel so solid on the inside that we stop trying to control the outside through overthinking everything we say or do.

Men don’t, in fact, want a “perfect” woman, but a woman who accepts herself—flaws and all. 

Perfect is overrated.

No one can really connect or relate to “perfect.”

What do you even talk to a perfect person about? It’s in our vulnerabilities and it’s in our ability to accept ourselves right where we are that allows a man to fall in love.

 

2. Don’t Look For Constant Signs Of Rejection 

If we’ve gotten really good at overthinking, we may be always on guard waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

This can make us seek constant reassurance from a man which can feel exhausting and like a lot of pressure for him.

He doesn’t want to feel responsible for us feeling okay or not based off what he does or doesn’t do at any given moment. 

If we’re constantly looking for signs we’re going to be rejected, we will find ourselves reacting to that internal story and playing it out externally. 

If you’ve mastered looking for evidence to support what you don’t want, I invite you to start looking for evidence to support the opposite, to support the areas you want to see expand and grow. 

A high quality man will feel safe in connecting to you, freedom to bring down his own walls, and express the parts of himself that he is still working on too. He won’t feel the pressure of walking on eggshells in fear of setting you off or getting too close to a woman he doesn’t feel emotionally safe around. 

 

3. Be Ruthlessly Honest With Yourself 

I encourage you to practice observing your relationship with perfectionism and vulnerability on a consistent basis.

Start catching areas where you’re avoiding feeling and instead practice being in your body with the emotions that come up for you, not assigning them a narrative but being with the emotions and sensations that come up. 

Instead of being harsh with yourself, meet your emotions with openness, and take notice if your ego is kicking in trying to put limits around what’s possible for you.

As you enhance your awareness around where you’re potentially selling yourself short because your ego’s on overdrive, you can instead gently redirect.

It’s in this space that you can choose to expose and own unapologetically where you are, this is the beginning of giving yourself permission to have what it is you want.

Over time, you’ll allow yourself to release blocks, and build a beautiful muscle within yourself for men to feel safe around.  The more you practice, the stronger this muscle becomes. 

If you need support around navigating healthy ways to communicate with men, embodying your feminine energy, and embracing your inner quiet, my new program Magnetic Sensitivity Conversations will support you in enhancing your intimacy intelligence!

With Love,

Jen

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