Love Or Infatuation?

Love Or Infatuation?

It can be easy to mistake infatuation for love.

Consider that there is a huge difference between the two that is important to understand so we’re not just chasing the highs that occur in the beginning stage of getting to know someone.

The story often goes: The relationship was amazing in the beginning but now has settled in. As a result, we can see that the other person is a flawed human like everyone else.

If we don’t recognize the tendencies within ourselves or in those we attract, we can end up chasing the early highs of a relationship or find ourselves in a position of starting over again and again. We will miss the opportunity to go deeper and experience the nourishment only found in love. This is experienced after the high of getting to know someone in the early stages has faded.

Below I’ll share three ways to differentiate love from infatuation. I invite you to pay attention to the ways in which you may do this or the type of person you tend to attract does too.

1. You Create A Story About Them From Bits And Pieces

When you can take a step back and reality check yourself, you may realize you actually have a limited view of who the other person truly is. You may have instead filled in the blanks with your own hopes, dreams, and desires.

You may see that you’ve projected a certain story or image onto the other that isn’t rooted in truth. You’ve built them into something they’re not and they become a fantasy object for unmet needs.

Perhaps we’ve experienced another person doing this to us. They have overly romanticized us only to be very disappointed later when they see that we’re human and have our light and dark sides just like everyone else.

I’ve even experienced this before as a coach. I’m not perfect and sometimes one will project an image onto me that I no longer make any mistakes and have 100% control over my emotions at all times.

This is far from true! I’m a work in progress like every single one of us. I’ve drunk the poison instead of spitting it out at times too! The key distinction is having the willingness to tell the truth and humble yourself again and again.

This is an important point to remember about everyone. Catch yourself making someone perfect or creating overly romanticized stories that aren’t rooted in reality.

2. Rumination Takes Over 

You find yourself in a state where you are always thinking about the other person in a way that feels all consuming.

You analyze the way they showed up, the way you handled yourself, and feel “heady” as the ego is on overdrive evaluating and chattering about the smallest of details.

You may find yourself agonizing over the smallest of details and ways you could have shown up differently.

I invite you to remember that there are no mistakes with the right person, and to meet yourself right where you are. It doesn’t feel good for us or for them when our energy is overly focused on another.

We in turn can feel this when we’re experiencing it too. It feels good to be around those that are comfortable in their own skin, own who they are, and hold space for themselves.

Practice moving into your body and quieting the thoughts in your head.

Rumination is a way to try and create certainty and avoid feeling fully. It doesn’t work, though, and only creates more things to worry about.

This is a practice that you’ll need to direct and guide again and again to practice being in your body and exiting your head

3. You Feel A Loss Of Personal Agency 

Your mood feels dependent on another’s actions or behavior. If they call, life is amazing. If they don’t, you feel fully off the cart and deep in the mud.

The mood swings can feel more extreme too; one minute feels amazing only to find the next interaction or lack thereof leads to feeling deeply depressed.

Consider this isn’t sustainable as we are at a whim of what another person does or doesn’t do for a sense of okayness.

We can also feel when another is dependent on our next move for a sense of okayness and this doesn’t feel good!

We end up repelling instead of drawing in what we want or vice versa when we feel this over focused and intense energy directed at us.

The source of this is often an abandonment wound being activated and operating in overdrive which creates a sense of needing to do something as survival instincts have kicked in.

What To Do? 

It’s okay to experience strong feelings for someone but it’s an issue when it’s all-consuming!

It’s key in dating and relationships to be devoting time to developing your own sense of self, remembering your worthiness, and becoming self-validated.

This will attract others who have a strong sense of self worth and hold themselves in high regard.

If you’re already in a partnership, it will create the best opportunity to inspire your partner to grow and begin taking a look within to better understand themselves to develop self worth.

You can also do the same in partnership by meeting yourself right where you are.

I invite my clients to truly get to know their ego and to get to know others based on reality.

The first step to doing this is recognizing the stories and projections you may be placing on them.

Be curious around the ways you’re seeking connection and practice getting to know the real person and connecting to them authentically.

I would love to support you in any way I can!

Book a 50 minute 1:1 Introductory Call with me here to learn how I can support you and help you start making some authentic and lasting changes in your situation right away!

With Love,

Jen

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