Releasing The Need To Blame & Learning How To Love Yourself

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When we find ourselves in a conflict-ridden relationship, our initial instinct is often to place blame on someone else.

We ALL do this as it’s human nature. I invite you to consider it not as a chance to point fingers, but rather an opportunity to work on the one person we have control over — ourselves!

It’s fairly instinctual for most of us to convince ourselves in painful and difficult times that we’re  the victim and that we are helpless in the situation.

You may tell yourself, if they would just do it this way, say it that way, or be more like this, then we’d be able to get along and be happy.

Before you know it, you’re wasting more and more time putting your life on hold waiting for another person to show up, change, or become what it is you’re looking for. 

I fell into the victim mindset many times in my marriage.

I remember this storyline within myself being validated and fed by my well-intentioned friends.

At the time what I actually needed was personal accountability, objectivity, and tough love.

I’m not saying this is always the case, but sometimes it’s so easy to put responsibility on others and feel like you don’t have a choice.

No matter what your situation is in life, you always have a choice, even if it’s not ideal or exactly what you want under different circumstances.

Every decision you make for yourself is a stepping stone to guide and align you more and more along the way. 

I remember when I hired a new coach for the third time to help me heal my marriage.

I was a slow learner (to put it mildly) and my feminine energy was quite buried in the early years of my marriage. 

She was blunt, sassy, and said what she saw clearly and unapologetically.

At the time I thought she was harsh and a bit rude. 

She made me mad, but she was honest, and I needed a heavy dose of honesty at that time in my life.

I knew this on a certain level because I chose to stick with her and listen. I remember talking with her one day about my helpless situation and how badly I’d been wronged and dismissed by my husband.

I was expecting validation and a sympathetic ear, and instead she called me out and told me I was acting like I had no choice.

She asked me when I was going to take my power back instead of dwelling on how poorly I was being treated. 

 

This was a wake up call for me because I really hadn’t been willing to take a completely honest and hard look at myself and how I was showing up.

This moment was a critical component to my own healing and woke me up to creating a new relationship with the same man, healing myself and my marriage, and then later changing careers, giving back in a way where I can support women healing themselves the way I did in my own life. 

 

Below are three things you can do to start making changes in your life that will lead you to creating the life and love you want powerfully and unapologetically too. 

 

  1. Be Honest About Your Role In The Situation

One of the biggest areas where I see breakdown is in a woman simply not having the tools or confidence to ask for what she wants clearly!

Instead of opening up and communicating what it is you’re feeling, it can get masked under anger, disappointment, and resentment. 

When you have a narrative in your head that you’re responding to, you’re not approaching the situation honestly or from a neutral place.

Instead your emotions and inner child have taken over, and the ability to communicate in a way where he can actually hear you is lost. 

When you learn how to be honest with yourself and what it is you’re needing, sharing it vulnerably and openly without accusation, urgency, or anger, you’ll be amazed at the changes this can inspire in a man.

You can’t change other people, but you’ll feel clear and confident when you use your awareness to be completely transparent on what it is you want and need, regardless of how he responds. 

 

  1. Embrace Your Natural Sensitivity

If you’re a sensitive woman, embrace this!

The opposite of being sensitive isn’t to be strong, it’s to be less connected to yourself and the world around you.

As women, we’ve been taught that there is no place for our emotions, that all of our feelings are “too much,” or that we’re being overly dramatic.

As you learn to release this old narrative, instead embracing your naturally sensitive nature, you’ll align yourself effortlessly with your innate gifts that will draw in and connect you with how you want to be treated by the man in your life.

Your sensitive nature will inspire the right man to connect to his emotions more fully when in your presence, to reflect on his actions more thoughtfully, and become more introspective on the way he moves through life.

It inspires him to open his heart in ways being around more masculine energy will never allow. 

 

  1. Be Patient With Yourself

You can’t change old habits or patterns overnight!

It takes time, discipline, and consistency to create the changes you want in your life over time.

If you’re used to being extremely critical with yourself, you’ve likely been feeding yourself negative thoughts for a while, if not the majority of your life!

When you feel like you need to change everything by tomorrow, recognize those feelings of urgency and slow yourself down.

Your life is a daily journey that changes course based off of your daily decisions and the commitment you make to yourself to learn and grow.

If you disappoint yourself, choose to learn from it, get back up, and continue to carve out a new way. 

 

With practice you will make steady changes and embrace where you are right now. You will release the old habit of moving through your life with a sense of urgency that steals your ability to connect, embrace, and love all that is happening in this moment right now.

 

If you could use some support around healing and accessing your feminine energy, download my audio program here!

 

I wish you well and much love,

Jen

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