We’ve all been in a situations where our feelings of sadness and loneliness gets triggered, and runs deep around the holidays.
We’ve all been at a holiday gathering where relatives or old family friends want to ask those irksome questions around why we’re still single. They often will throw in additional suggestions such as
“You better get going!” OR “You should hurry!”
Needless to say such comments can be extremely triggering.
Consider that holidays are a time where we need to really be filling up our own tank and looking for the joy in each moment so that those types of conversations don’t take over. I can’t tell you how many times clients have shared well meaning family members or friends made comments that sent them into overdrive and frantic mode.
I remember also being on the receiving end of such comments and how absolutely awful it felt to hear unsolicited comments from others on my life, and the judgement around needing to be somewhere different than where I was.
That I was taking too long, doing it wrong, or missing out.
Without good awareness, such conversations can deeply trigger us, send us into over functioning mode, and lead us into taking action from a place of scarcity and fear.
I know that in such situations people are generally well meaning, yet it’s never received well, and it only creates anxiety, stress, amplified feelings of loneliness, and a sense of not being enough.
I know for me there were many times where I let such situations get the best of me…it brought up such deep wounds and sadness, fear of missing out and not having the chance to experience the love I was seeing all around me. I allowed it to amplify feelings of lack instead of all the things I was grateful for.
With awareness though, we can take our power back.
We can choose to stop giving others this power over us and stop beating up on ourselves for not living up to their expectations or timeline.
We simply choose to find the gratitude and the delight in where we are right now. We determine our value- no one else.
Three Ways To Own Your Single Or “It’s Complicated” Status This Holiday Season:
1. Rooting Yourself In Gratitude
We don’t need anyone’s approval but our own!
We get to choose to be happy now, regardless of where we are on our love journey.
As we start to lean into our worth, our value, our gifts, and all the good things that have come our way (no matter how small) we stop giving negative comments any energy or momentum.
We create awareness to recognize such comments as a limited belief, and that it has nothing to do with us. I love imagining a “bubble” around me, one that cannot be penetrated.
It doesn’t allow negative thoughts, comments, questions or ideas to seep in. My deeper sense of confidence, gratitude, and trust outweighs any judgement that comes my way. We can simply choose to root ourselves in gratitude and good feeling thoughts.
2. Resist The Urge To Defend Or Explain
No explanation needed! We don’t need to explain our lifestyle, circumstances, or choices out of fear of being judged. We can simply notice our urge to defend, justify, or explain, and gently and lovingly let it pass through without acting on it.
We instead speak from a space of being present, being grounded, and rooted in who we are. We can lovingly disengage from conversations that don’t feel good or support what we want.
This can be an opportunity to practice boundaries and honoring ourselves and what feels right within us.
That can look like:
“Thank you so much for sharing, yet I don’t feel comfortable talking about all that! Thank you for understanding!”
“ I hear you. I don’t have anything to say on it though.”
“ Yes, I can hear that. I actually would love to talk about (sports, cooking, travel) with you! I have been excited to share my photos with you from my recent trip.”
Just because someone asks, comments, or gives unsolicited advice, it doesn’t mean we need to oblige. We can gently and lovingly communicate our boundaries and stay focused on talking about what feels good!
3. Assume The Best of Intentions
Generally people don’t make triggering comments to intentionally hurt us.
As we learn to embrace this by assuming the best, we can start to release old stories, negativity, resentment, sadness, and anger.
We have the power to choose where to put our intentions and to assume the best in others.
Being in our feminine energy allows just that.
It allows us to observe the situation, and check in with what’s coming up for us before reacting.
We can then notice if we’re feeling the urge to defend, explain, or go into protective mode. We can see if we’re assuming the worst or the best.
This is how we catch ourselves creating stories in our head that don’t have supporting evidence.
We then set our own intention for how we want to show up, and this in turn shifts the energy around us!
Consider this takes focus and presence, yet we will feel empowered, confident, and beautiful showing up as a softer, loving, and more intentional version of ourselves.
As we reclaim our power and sense of worth, we start to see the best of intentions in others.
That’s because we get to decide. We get to choose to be happy right where we are, while having that deeper knowing that it’s all on its way, and that we’re exactly where we need to be in this moment.
It’s a feeling we get stronger at creating and embodying within us, it just takes intention and practice. Holiday gatherings are a perfect place to practice and feel into all that you already are and all that is coming.
Wishing you all a lovely holiday season!
I would love to support you this holiday season and New Year.