The Shift From Hoping To Be Chosen To Choosing Yourself In Love

Self abandonment and self betrayal are common and sadly strongly encouraged in many- especially women.

We are often taught at a young age to  ignore what we’re feeling, needing, and to hide aspects of ourselves to gain love and approval. We’re rewarded for not making a fuss and going along with whatever it may be to be deemed a  “good girl.”  

This leaves us poorly resourced and resentful as we feel unseen, misunderstood, and not lovingly considered in our intimate relationships- although you could apply this to many other areas too!

In this newsletter I want to share three ways to choose yourself in love so you are loving guiding and showing (no words required) your man or the men you’re dating how to treat you: 

  1. Honor Your Needs- what does this mean? We hear it all the time. How do I apply this concept of honoring my own needs especially if the other person is used to us showing up a different way? There is no way to avoid the awkwardness involved in resetting in our relationships. As we lean into a deeper understanding of what makes us  feel nourished, tended to, and centered each day we will literally begin to feel the resentment and heaviness we’re carrying gently wash away! It’s our responsibility to know what we need to feel good and to incorporate  these practices into life often! This may mean saying no more than what feels comfortable for you  or letting him know you’re available after a certain time. The thing is you don’t need to make a man understand why you need what you need.  As we attune to what we need to self honor, we are teaching others how to treat us! Maybe  it’s consistent exercise, time outdoors,  a little quiet time to enjoy your coffee or tea each morning, or a healthy breakfast to start the day. The invitation is to begin to intentionally tend to yourself well and to connect to how this makes you feel. As you don’t make it wrong for needing what you need, so it is. Others naturally learn to respect what you need too.
  2. Lead With The Truth Don’t hide aspects of who you are to avoid rejection or judgment from others.

Notice where you allow others to dictate your self worth and make it a daily practice to lean into any areas you’re outsourcing your well-being. 

Make it a practice to meet yourself with presence, gentleness, and compassion. 

Make it a daily practice to feel and connect to your body and what she is asking you for. 

3. Choose A Partner That Respects You

While you’re building self love and self trust,  the practice is to respect yourself  which means you’re not rationalizing bad behavior or betraying yourself for another person. 

While relationships require flexibility, sacrificing yourself in order to make it work will never lead to the love you want. Moving from fear and into courage is required in love. I invite you to allow your sacrifice to come from a space of overflow versus depletion! This is a very different energy to give and receive from, and invites a man to feel deep gratitude for you versus taking you for granted. 

Love,

Jen

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