The True Meaning Of Self Love

Going deeper in understanding self-love and what this popular term really means is a topic I love to explore.

I’ve learned through coaching that many women believe that to ‘love’ and “care” for oneself means to splurge or treat themselves to something.

While I do agree that doing nice things for oneself and treating yourself can feel good, it’s not the true meaning of self-love. 

An aspect that often goes unmentioned is that proper self-love can and should feel hard sometimes.

To love ourselves means to make choices that are good and right for us which are often very different from what we want or crave at a given moment. 

For example, if I’m coaching a woman who is feeling really emotionally flooded or anxiety-ridden over the level of uncertainty she feels in her life, what she wants to do in that moment will be distinctly different from what serves her long term. 

How often have we sent that “innocent” text, call, or email to a man that isn’t showing he is invested? 

We think it will help us to better deal with all the challenging emotions we’re facing in a given moment, yet it instead slowly chips away at the level of confidence and self-love we’re able to hold for ourselves. 

The truth is, your self-love has to be stronger than your desire to be accepted and loved by a man. 

This often elusive energetic shift is what changes everything.


Because he can feel it at a deep level.

It’s important not to communicate empty words or engage in compulsive chatter about what you’re going to do differently. 

It’s the switch in you raising the bar for yourself and choosing to value yourself over another person. 

This is very attractive because a high quality man will subconsciously feel inspired to rise to the occasion. 

Below I want to share three ways to grow in self-love in order to change your love outcomes in huge ways. 


  1. Build Emotional Bandwidth

The ability to experience difficult emotions without acting on them builds confidence. 

This is because you are learning to ride the emotional waves of life instead of being a victim to outside forces.

Your ability to ride emotional waves and learn how to self-regulate will allow you to move through emotions not only faster, but in a way where you will connect to your power in a way that you would otherwise not have access to.

This is because you’re choosing to witness the storm versus enter it.

This is extremely attractive as it demonstrates emotional intelligence, discipline, and a lot of self-respect.

Trust me, men notice this.

This is huge in your own personal self-development as well as creating or reconnecting to the love you want. 


2. Return To Simplicity

When I say return to simplicity, I mean to practice reconnecting to yourself in simple rather than more extravagant ways. 

It is meaningful to connect to a basic yet deeply pleasurable experience that you’ve intentionally identified for yourself.

Sometimes women will say, I’m going to reward myself with shopping, manicure, pedicure, or salon visit.

I invite you to consider these examples are nice, yet not what I’m talking about. 

A return to simplicity means to practice enjoying and savoring the simple joys of life.

For me this means maybe sitting by the water and watching the waves, sitting down in the sun and enjoying a piece of seasonal fruit, walking my dog, or playing for no other reason than to practice being fully in the moment. 

When we reconnect to ourselves in this way, we grow in our ability to self-regulate, self-soothe, and love ourselves more. 


3. Change Your Relationship With The Word Failure

We really don’t ever want to walk away from any situation with our inner little girl feeling like she failed. 

Our inner little girl needs lots of love, support, and patience from our adult selves.

Sometimes mistakes are necessary for us to learn more about what we want, don’t want, or to wake us up a little bit more to what we’re allowing and accepting into our lives. 

I truly embrace the concept that there are no mistakes with the right man.

The right man will find his way and grow alongside you if he is your match.

My experience in my own life as well as with so many clients is that when a man sees you trying to learn, grow, and do better, it opens his heart.

To embrace yourself as a work in progress and to humble yourself in this beautiful space of self-acceptance is something we all understand on a soul level.

Give yourself the gift of grace and simply practice being and doing a little bit better each and every day. 


The Attract Him Forever Group Coaching Program takes a deep dive into building confidence and self-love! This small group coaching program has been incredible in supporting women making their dreams happen!


A recent member shared: “Being part of this group has been nourishment for my soul, I adore this wonderful group of ladies and the journey you are supporting.”


If you are feeling inspired to grow and create the love you want, join the waitlist here!




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