Three Fears That Crush What’s Possible In Love

Many of the women I work with are so scared of getting hurt that they preemptively brace themselves for the worst in any stage of love. This can play out many different ways, but in this article I want to share some common fears I’ve heard again and again that prevent you from being able to receive from the masculine, embody your feminine energy, and be your truest self in love. 

  1. They Are Going To Leave Me

Let’s start by examining this fear a little more closely. This begins by taking a step back and thinking about whether it is valid or not. Look at your partner’s behaviors and the way in which they show up. It’s also crucial to be objective about the men you allow into your life and form a connection with. Two questions to consider that will support you in knowing which direction to turn: 

Do you feel like you seek connection with people that aren’t true to their word or don’t consider you? 

Or: Are you reacting to a deep fear of abandonment within? 

I invite you to pay attention to whether this is a fear based on how the person is showing up, or if it’s your own thoughts you’re reacting to instead. Making this distinction is so important in strengthening your awareness, self trust, and confidence in your next steps. 

If you have a tendency to believe that anything good won’t last for you, it’s then all too easy to fall into feeling helpless and like a victim which leads to tendencies such as clinging, testing your partner, and seeking out those that are emotionally unavailable. This of course then perpetuates the fear because we push our partner away by reacting to this inner perception. 

When you begin to recognize that it is you that you may be reacting to, there is a huge opportunity to change your perception which then creates an entirely different level of safety and possibility in love. 

2. This Is Going To Hurt Me

If you grew up feeling like you couldn’t count on people physically or emotionally, you may associate being close to someone with pain. 

This causes you to brace yourself and not let others in fully as a way to protect yourself from getting hurt. 

This makes complete sense in terms of why intimacy would then feel extremely scary!

The ways in which this plays out are in monitoring any change in pattern, hiding who you are and presenting what you view as a better version, subconsciously sabotaging through picking fights or avoiding emotional intimacy all together. 

The good news is that now you’re an adult with critical thinking skills and there is an opportunity to welcome in your inner child who didn’t get the support she needed or the opportunity to experience unconditional love. 

I invite you to begin by welcoming in all parts of yourself.

Not just the happy or upbeat version, but the sad or angry version.

Create a space at the table for all parts of who you are versus dismissing or scolding her for having less than ideal feelings.

As you begin to open up and allow yourself to feel into your body and create this kind of safety, the resistance dies down, the mind begins to quiet, and we feel safe opening up to new ways. 

3. I Don’t Deserve It

You feel like everyone else has it figured out and that you are defective in some way.

There is a heaviness and fear that if they really knew you, they wouldn’t want to be with you.

You then attempt to  hide who you really are because to tell the truth feels filled with shame or inaccessible from trying to hide this fear of not deserving something that is actually your birthright. 

What To Do:

Fear no longer needs to be running the show. It now is about using this increased awareness to propel you into taking new action steps that will create new habits over time. 

Notice that when fear comes up you’re reacting to the past and slow down long enough to bring yourself back to present moment awareness. 

Allow all of these intense emotions to pass so you can make a decision rooted in your own growth and expansion. Let this intention and inner connection you’re beginning to form lead the way. 

If you’d like to get 1:1 advice on your unique situation, book an introductory call with me here!

Love,

Jen

 

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