Three Indicators He Isn’t Emotionally Available

I think it’s safe to say that most of us have dealt with an emotionally unavailable partner, or perhaps have been the emotionally unavailable partner ourselves. 

There was a time in my life where I was attracted to emotionally unavailable men. I thought at the time this was because I liked a challenge. I later learned it was because I didn’t think enough of  myself  to receive love from an emotionally available person without proving I was worthy first. 

I liked to climb the relationship mountain and only valued the type of “love” I had to earn. If a man was open and willing to love me without me having to jump through any hoops, I was disinterested and assumed there was something wrong with him. 

Something changed in me though as I got to know myself more. I grew to the point where an emotionally unavailable man was not only no longer attractive to me, but a complete turn off. 

I want you all to know that no matter what your situation is, your desires are possible for you. I believe the best place to start is always with ourselves. Below I’ll share three indicators of an emotionally unavailable man so you can make better and better choices to get to where you want to be in any stage of love. 

  1. He Quickly Goes From Consistent to Inconsistent

In the early stages, it felt dreamy. He seems to be steady and consistent, open, and available.  

It felt so effortless and like everything you’d been waiting for until hurdle after hurdle appeared.  All of a sudden work, family, or other responsibilities blocked your ability to consistently connect and get to know one another. This doesn’t apply to dating alone, but can very much be present in a relationship or marriage too. 

How to handle it?

I believe in open hearted honesty and sharing openly what we need without pointing fingers or shaming. 

This can look like sharing clearly what your non-negotiable needs are. Perhaps your non-negotiable needs are consistency, regular face to face contact, and being in touch regularly.  I invite clients  to share what this looks like for them from a calm and centered space in as few words as possible. 

Then being open to hearing his thoughts around this,  if it feels aligned,  and is then demonstrated over time. 

   It can feel scary to share what we need and let go of the outcome, but the truth truly is what sets us free. 

2. He is Busy For Indefinite Period 

He seems to be “busy” for who knows how long and doesn’t put in any consistent effort to stay in touch or prioritize time for you. 

In this scenario, it seems like it’s one thing after another.

You may feel bad too because it all sounds so legitimate.

You don’t want to come across unkind, not understanding or unappreciative.

You want to be viewed as nice and caring.

This then creates a dynamic of perpetual waiting.

This requires us to be truly honest with ourselves in recognizing if we’re in love with a man’s potential or who he actually is.

As we fill up our life with activities  that bring us joy and allow the gap to widen by not always being on standby,  we see what’s truly possible with him. 

3. He Turns It Around On You If You Ask

Seeking clarity or better understanding what is going on leads to defensiveness, blame,  and/or irritation.

It doesn’t feel like there is any room to have a real dialogue about the relationship or sharing what you need. 

This point takes courage.

As I shared in point number two, we often want to be viewed as nice.

So when we do work up the courage to understand, it can often be twisted and turned around as us being needy. 

When we practice keeping our side of things clean though and allow him to show us who he is, we see the truth.

If we’ve been reactive, dramatic, or emotional we won’t be able to trust ourselves at the highest level and will have a higher tendency to make it all of our fault.

If we’ve been truly taking care of ourselves and allowing things to unfold, we will feel more and more confident in choosing ourselves fully. 

This can of course lead to many different outcomes in love. 

There is something so powerful that occurs when you say  yes to yourself  though.

Once you  truly connect to your value, he will mirror this back. Or he won’t be able to and you’ll walk away feeling light and clean in the way you honored yourself opening yourself up to upleveling your love life with a partner who can love you in the ways you need. 

If you’d like 1:1 advice on your unique situation, book an Introductory session with me here!

Love,

Jen

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