Understanding The Mother Wound

Have you been curious about the mother wound, what it is and how it impacts your relationships?

The mother wound is essentially a loss or a lack of mothering in the ways we needed growing up. It’s typically passed down generation to generation as we tend to subconsciously model the behaviors of our caregivers until someone wakes up and breaks the pattern. 

The mother wound feels like grief at varying levels.

This doesn’t only apply to those of you who’ve experienced the loss of a mother, a mother figure, or who experienced a mother with mental health or addiction challenges growing up. 

It can simply be that the mother figure was emotionally unavailable and disconnected from what her child needed emotionally to feel safe and secure. 

It also feels like: 

-Never feeling good enough or safe to simply be 

-Love was scarce and to be competed for by outshining other family members or earning it through accomplishments. 

-A longing and a loneliness that lives deep within

-Craving that emotional connection and validation, yet never really feeling that despite doing your best to earn it. 

-Having to walk on broken glass,  if you made a mistake, feeling you wouldn’t be loved anymore

 -A focus on her emotional experience versus feeling safe to have your own

-All of the above create codependent tendencies because they all teach us to look outside of ourselves for love and acceptance. 

-Can you relate to any of these tendencies in love?

-The more visceral and intense the emotions are in intimacy, the more the issues are rooted in something far deeper and unhealed inside of us. 

-This is where doing our own healing work is so important.

 –Love sheds light on all the cracks within each of us that long for our attention and understanding. 

-When we’re willing to take a deeper look at ourselves, our patterns, and the WHY behind our fears, we create the opportunity to reparent the parts of ourselves that long to be seen and met. 

-This is where we create the opportunity to give ourselves what we needed as children. 

-To meet the parts of ourselves that we’ve judged, shamed, or stuffed down with compassion, acceptance, and unconditional love. 

Three Ways To Address The Mother Wound In Love

  1. Set Boundaries

If you suspect you have a mother wound, setting boundaries can often feel like a real challenge. 

This requires us to take a step back in relationships to notice where we are in space and time.

 Are we in our own emotional experience, or are we in theirs?

Learn to self adjust and communicate from a space of honoring what you need and want versus trying to control another person’s perception of you or their emotional experience. 

This is truly a practice that you will integrate through consistency. It feels incredibly freeing and healing to show up and honor ourselves in this way. 

2. Practice Loving Ourselves Now

Where did a story get created around the past? Maybe you told yourself you aren’t worthy, you aren’t deserving, or you’re somehow at a deficit. Maybe there’s some self blame where you told yourself if you would have just been a little bit better, then you would have been loved and met. Maybe you now see a similar pattern playing out in your love life. 

I invite you this summer to lift this heavy suitcase off of your back!

Where can you love the parts of yourself you’ve judged or or shamed?

I invite you to get curious around where you don’t fully show up for yourself. 

Remember, that you are deserving of a seat at the table.

You are enough as you are and don’t need to earn this through others’ acceptance or approval. 

As you practice showing up for yourself in this way and lovingly replace an old  automated track that no longer serves you, you’ll see others will show up for you in this loving and attentive way too. 

3. Feel Your Feelings

Take time to feel what comes up for you. You can journal, talk with a trustworthy person, and do breath work as you allow yourself to be in your body and explore feelings around not being loved or valued in the way you needed. Acknowledge all of your feelings and welcome them with compassion. 

Bring a light heartedness into your life that perhaps you never experienced as a child. Curiosity, play, and safety to simply be. 

What do you long to do in any area where you haven’t given yourself permission because your focus was on what other people would think? 

Consider this doesn’t have to be anything complex or expensive! 

I often tune into my inner child and ask what she would like to do. 

For me, it can be sitting outside with coffee in the morning, riding my bike, or taking a walk in nature. 

Sometimes it is a call to dance or flow to music in a way that feels intuitive.

It’s a simple opportunity to tune into ourselves and our beingness.

All are powerful acts of self love. It sends a message to the child within that we’re worthy and deserving just as we are. 

I have opened up the doors for Attract Him Forever, my small group coaching program! Join us, we begin on Monday September 25!

Love, 

Jen

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