What To Do When He Pulls Away

A man pulling away, especially without any apparent reason is one of the most triggering and confusing scenarios many women face in any stage of love.

Things seem to be going well, then maybe an argument occurs or we put our foot in our mouth, and he’s distanced himself…again. Or maybe nothing specific has happened, he has simply pulled away and there’s no particular reason as to why.

It’s easy when this happens to react to the distance by attempting to close the gap.

I have learned in my relationship as well as in having a tween son, that when a man has pulled away,  to allow him space.

In this space, it is critical to not make him bad or wrong for needing to move through whatever is going on within him. Staying open, receptive, and warm without putting any conditions on him.

Embracing the practice of maintaining an open heart and a steady center within ourselves. 

There are definitely situations where a man can take “space” too far and needs to be called out on his hiding.

Yet, I have found that when a man is truly given space from a woman with a warm and open heart, he will bounce back dramatically faster than when we try to do something to move him along more quickly. 

It is extremely attractive in terms of long term intimacy for a man to feel safe in his process with us, to be able to reset internally without having to worry about us at the same time. 

So what does one do when a man has pulled away?

Not a single thing.

No reaching, coaxing, finding a reason to ask a question, rationalizing an excuse to touch base, guessing what’s going on  inside his head, or any clever interventions at all.

If he has pulled away, you want to allow him that time so that you are not moving into your masculine energy trying to fix or solve. 

He will resist this and move further away from you. 

Instead, don’t allow your own thoughts to go into overdrive.

This is what causes most women to do something regrettable when a man pulls away.

I have seen that so much of the time when women panic, they are often reacting to themselves and what they are making “space” mean!

When you create your own space instead, he will feel compelled to reach out instinctively. He will find his center more quickly and want to close the distance just like you did. If you have been taking care of yourself during this time, you will naturally be able to be receptive, warm, and open towards him. 

If you close off and match his energy or go into trying to punish him in any way, the space is much more likely to grow. 

It is your trust, warmth,  and authentic open heart that heals. 

So how do we do this without feeling like we’re taking less?

Expand your world!

Do things that require your full attention!

Learn a new skill, go work out with a friend, take the yoga class you’ve been missing!

He will literally FEEL that you are not waiting, micromanaging, or focused on him at all.

You will see that as you show up for yourself in this way, your confidence will grow!

You will feel empowered because you chose to be in deep integrity and ALLOW. You are taking control over yourself and not overgiving or overinvesting in him when he has pulled away. 

Trust that in this process, intimacy deepens tremendously and a healing within ourselves occurs. 

I have seen this in my own life in the most magical ways with both my husband and oldest son.

There is a gift in working through the discomfort and allowing others to have their process.

We must be willing to remain steady enough, open enough, and curious enough to allow it all to unfold. 

I would love to hear how this goes for you!

If you’re in a challenging period, check out my Personalized Week Of Support for a full week of 1:1 guidance from me!


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  1. Cwayita, in South Africa on 04/04/2024 at 07:15

    I loved reading this, thank you very much, these in sights are very much eye opening, I am not married yet, but I am getting profound lessons.

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