What To Do When He Won’t Open Up


When a man is shut down or won’t open his heart to us, it can feel extremely painful. 

Perhaps we’ve done things in the past that have caused this or perhaps he’s bringing his past into the present.

No matter what the reason is, there is a way to heal and move forward together. 

Men truly do heal through the feminine, so as we choose to heal and commit to being in deep integrity and devotion by connecting to our feminine energy, we inspire new openings within him. 

I’ve seen this in so many clients and have experienced this myself.

When I show up with a vulnerable  open heart and connect to what I’m feeling, I have the ability to create a safe space and draw out the best in the masculine.

We as women all do.

What could have once been a conflict instead invites in deeper trust and emotional safety.

The change we want to see in him begins with going deeper within ourselves. Like it or not, men are our mirrors and they respond to energy not words. 

When He Won’t Open Up…


  1. Don’t Fill In The Gap

It can be so easy to panic and go into overdrive.

We want to show him the relationship is valuable and so worth the challenges.

Maybe we try to earn love or prove ourselves to make up for past regrets and to showcase the qualities we bring to the table.

This works against us big time though because the more we seek approval in this way, the more we end up devaluing ourselves. 

This awkward period of resetting can’t be avoided.

We essentially have to regulate and support ourselves through the uncertainty of not knowing what the future may hold for us and the relationship.

The practice is learning to take care of ourselves in the tension and uncertainty of it all.

The more we pursue clarity or reassurance, the more we end up pushing him away.

It is key that we don’t self abandon and stay deeply present for all that comes up and not put the solution on something he has to do in order for us to feel better. 

2. Don’t Force It

One mistake I often see is to try to bypass what I shared above. 

This leads to trying to force an outcome or skip over what feels uncomfortable only to find that we end up right back where we started.

 It is so true in that the more we try to speed something up, the more we slow ourselves down. 

When we feel resistance from our partner, the antidote to this is acceptance of what is. Can we neutralize the energy we’re feeling and allow them to be where they are right now? 

Can we soothe our inner child who feels scared and wants to make demands? Feminine energy is about timing. This means we can take a step back and see when something can be heard and received and when it will land like a demand and create more resistance. 

Allowing him to be where he is and to see what unfolds over time will serve us well. Allowing the ego to respond from a space of urgency will more often than not lead to the opposite of what it is we want. 

3. Start Right Where You Are

When I say start where you are I mean to grow the good you see.

It is here where I invite clients to devote themselves to the practice of noticing all of the teeniest things he does for you that he doesn’t have to!

I invite you to take a step back and shift your focus from lack to possibility and curiosity. 

I still practice this in my marriage all the time. Where can I see all the things my husband does because he cares? This completely shifts me into a state of gratitude and appreciation. This energy is powerful and serves our partnership well! 

Where can you see where you’re practicing survival mode and instead intentionally shift into gratitude?

Trust me when I say he will feel this, as men respond to our authentic energy not our words.

If you’d like 1:1 advice on your unique situation, book an Introductory Call with me here!



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