Many women will reach out to me after having a really difficult conversation with their partner.
One of the most painful things we can ever hear from our partner is “I’m not in love with you anymore.”
This feels like a punch to the gut, and all kinds of emotions start to kick in….
Fear of what this means. Fear if there’s another woman and of losing the life and partnership you built.
When something like this occurs, it’s easy to go into panic mode and do all of the wrong things.
Some of the most common mistakes I see are:
Trying to convince him of anything
Lashing out at him or making accusations
Over-functioning to prove to him how lovable we are
When men fall out of love, what’s underneath this is a breakdown in communication. He feels emasculated and no longer feels like a man.
Once we lower our defenses, and become open to seeing our part…we can start making changes to attract him back quickly.
Three Ways To Bring Him Back To Love
If we try to argue or convince him that he’s wrong or making a bad decision, we are emasculating him again.
What we want to do is to completely surrender to what is and stop all the behaviors that are pushing him away.
I remember when my marriage was struggling, and I was so scared of losing my husband. I would try to convince him that things weren’t so bad, and would try to make him see my point of view.
This only made the situation worse.
Once I learned to really hear him, and stopped trying to fix and solve it, he started to soften. He started to feel heard and understood in a way he hadn’t before.
Feeling heard is so powerful. Creating that safe space for our partner to express their feelings without getting defensive, trying to fix it, or change it is extremely healing.
As I learned to accept where things were in my own relationship, only then could the problems be brought to the surface to heal.
- Stop Emasculating Him
We never intend to make a man feel deprived or take his role away from him.
As women, we’ve been taught to value our masculine energy more than our feminine energy. This is great when it comes to work, parenting, and getting things done. This will not lead us to a loving, close, connected relationship with a masculine energy man!
As we learn to let go of having to make all the decisions, and get it all done ourselves, we start to embrace our feminine energy side.
This is the energy of being in our heart. This is what heals a man who has struggled to connect to us because we’ve only been functioning inside our head. As we learn to let go of having the final say and trying to “manage” everything, we create space for him to feel like a man again, and for us to also feel loved and adored.
The more he is able to step up into his masculine energy and make us happy, the more empowered he’s going to feel about himself and the relationship. At the end of the day, he wants to be your hero, and wants to make you happy. We just have to learn how to allow this again.
- Allow the Feminine Energy To Lead
The feminine energy always takes the silent energetic lead.
You know the saying:
If mom’s not happy, no one’s happy?
There is such power and truth in this statement, as the feminine energy silently sets the tone of a household.
It doesn’t matter if you have children or not. Once we realize that we have the ability to change the dynamic of a relationship by changing how we show up, we can heal a man’s heart by moving into this beautiful warm space of heart centered energy.
This looks like:
Being in the moment with him.
Slowing down, and appreciating what he is offering right now.
Feeling into our emotions instead of thinking through them.
Trusting something deeper within ourselves instead of springing into action mode by trying to prove, make something happen, or earn it.
As we learn to be in this space of learning to love and accept ourselves, he starts to feel loved and accepted by us too.
He starts to relax, gain confidence, and take the lead. He starts to think about how to make it happen, move it forward, and make our dreams come true.
As he does this, he starts to feel respected and like a man again. He starts to fall in love again.
Sometimes hearing something as painful as “I don’t love you” can be the most beautiful opportunity to heal a broken relationship.
Contact me here to apply for a complimentary discovery session.
If your relationship is feeling lost, or if he’s left, my Get Your Ex Back Program which includes a week of email coaching will get you back on track- right where you want to be!
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