Why Polarity Builds Conflict In Intimacy

We hear a lot about masculine and feminine polarity and lots of well intended do’s and don’ts around how to create this in a relationship. I have found that being deeply rooted in my feminine energy in times of conflict or disagreement with my husband has led to a deeper, more connected, and more intimate bond between us. 

This is saying a lot as I used to be petrified of conflict and telling the truth in my relationship. 

I preferred to figure out what I needed to say or do to avoid rocking the boat and simply get through the moment. This is because I was in survival mode and didn’t trust myself. I trusted someone else’s version of feminine energy rather than honoring my own unique blueprint of what this looked like for me. 

As I learned how to find my own voice and trust myself, everything changed. This really shifted the way my husband and I argued too. Instead of trying to out-argue him or show that I was the one that was right, I stopped matching energy and spoke my truth from a deeply authentic and feminine space. In today’s newsletter I’ll share more on how being deeply connected to your feminine energy will inspire him to see you as the beautiful open hearted woman you are, rather than as a man he’s going to battle against.

  1. Choose Love Over Being Right

Sometimes women will hear me say choose love over being right and assume I’m advising them to be a doormat and muzzle themselves. 

This is far from the truth!  

Approaching conflict from a space of  love is about drawing out the best in another and discerning what will support de-escalation and opening to a different point of view. 

For me this often means speaking to what I’m seeing and feeling, then letting go of the rest. 

I don’t jump into the mud and continue to argue my point if he counters it with a different point of view.

I speak my truth one time, then let go. 

In other words, I don’t allow myself to get sucked in or baited into continuous arguing. 

After I make my point, sometimes he can definitely get irritated and will counter it with something, but I simply stay present, express that I hear what he’s saying, and leave the situation unresolved until things have cooled down and he has entered a masculine problem solving space. 

2. Remember He Wants To Make You Happy

We can forget that our men want deep down to make us happy! 

So often in a relationship we can turn our guy into our biggest adversary instead of remembering that by design men want to show up for us and be of deep service! 

Are you truly showing up as an ally to your partner?

Do you look at him from a generous and well intended lens or do you expect him to disappoint you or let you down?

The more we can see the goodness in another, the more we DRAW more of this goodness out in them. This is just human nature. 

It is worth noting that this is very true in relationships as it relates to trust. 

The more we trust a good man to do the right thing, the more he feels that and holds it sacred. 

The more we look at a man from a lens of distrust, the easier it is to rationalize behaviors that don’t support the relationship. Example:

Well…she already doesn’t really trust me anyway… 

Men love to make self sourced and well nourished women happy! He doesn’t want to feel responsible for it or like it’s something that he can never be successful in. 

3. Nourish And Care For Yourself Well

It is essential to tend to ourselves well if we’re going to truly embody our feminine energy. 

This means you aren’t trying to be “in your feminine” with no sleep, eating on the run, and in a constant go state for days on end and expect it to flow well!

This doesn’t have to mean clearing your schedule or taking days off from your life to tend to yourself. It simply means you’re finding moments throughout the day to connect to your body and settle a busy mind. 

Creating little micro breaks to witness how you’re feeling, where you’re feeling it, and what you need is a beautiful way to bring awareness in and direct the attention back to you!

Sometimes I’ll just observe the depth of my breath, how fully I can feel it in my body. Is it smooth and deep or short and shallow? Can I shift it in a way that would be kinder and more loving towards my body? Sometimes these seemingly small acts of self love can be the very medicine needed to shift our inner state. 

I invite you not to talk yourself out of embracing those teeny little shifts that are rooted in a kinder and more loving way to show up for yourself. Over time this lifts and lightens you and will naturally invite a masculine energy man to grow curious and inspired to want to know your inner world and connect more fully. 

 

If you would like support on this in your love life, I invite you to book an Introductory Call with me to receive clarity and confident on how you can move forward!

 

Love,

Jen

 

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